Thank you for smoking
by Chippster
Summary: Cigarettes... a part of normal human life. This story is a collection of stories revolving around characters, and how smoking affects their lives. pairings named inside
1. Pressure

Hey guys!! I am back with another Neuro fanfic!

This time around, I am trying to get other pairings in this fic. Mix it up a bit. Y'know?

Pairings for this fic ((so far)):

Neuro x Yako ((of course, every Neuro fan does one of these! Abuse love!))

Sasazuka x Ishigaki ((my fac pairing of this show, but of course I need to put it in.))

Sai Centric ((I dont know who I would pair Sai up with... so he gets a chapter of this devoted to him and only him. :3))

I will have other characters making appearences, but these are the main players.

This fanfic is currently planned out to be a three part story, made up of three chapters.

Disclaimer: This is not a fic that is supporting use of Cigarettes. Please keep in mind that no matter what this fanfiction states, The Surgeon General warning on cigarettes is correct and that use of these can and probably will cause cancer and multiple health problems. What is stated in this fanfic does not summarize or in any way state my personal veiws on the subject, only character veiws. Also, I do not own this show... it is a FANfiction. Meaning I am a fan, love the show and characters, and are using them as a way to pass the time and for my own sick amusment.

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_Nothing_. That is what the entire week at the detective agency had consisted of this week. Not a single case, not a single mystery, not one single thing to get Neuro and his 'slaves' out of the stuffy office building and into a crime scene. It was starting to grind down on them all and effect them in negative ways.

Godai seemed to become more and more short-fused each and every day they sat around. Once, Yako had only tried to say hello to him and he yelled at her and chucked a giant wooden beaver figurine at her (lord knows how that got there in the first place… none of them remember how the medium sized oak figure got into the office). Yako tried to eat her boredom away. This was an effective method until she ran out of food the first day. Having already used up all her extra food money for the week, she was now left on an 'emergency hunger only' cash amount. Neuro seemed to be suffering the worst though. Not that his appearance or temper changed… more his behavior towards his 'servants'. Since he had no mysteries to eat, he started taking out his boredom and hunger on anything he damn well pleased. By the end of the week, Yako or Godai didn't even need to say a word to start getting abuse from the demon. Cleaning, being hung out windows just for the hell of it, and Godai and even been forced to attempt to carve an exact replica of the wooden beaver sitting in their office using only bars of soap and a toothbrush.

Needless to say, it was about time for a change or someone was going to snap, big time.

However, there seemed to be one thing saving one person in particular from going over the edge and trying to storm out (even if Neuro planted land mines around the door to stop anyone from leaving…. Godai found out about those little traps the hard way). Godai had indeed found a way to escape mentally though. Such as Yako with her food spree, any time Godai seemed about ready to explode and yell at one of them for some reason or another, he would sit down and start smoking. After he got in the first couple breaths of smoke, he seemed to calm down and go back to his normal temperament.

Yako was incredibly curious about this by the end of the week… of course, always wanting to know how people's minds worked and how they thought things out in order to get a better understanding of their character. She thought that perhaps if she understood why Godai smoked, she could learn a few more things about him that she didn't before and get closer with him. Perhaps even a step closer to understanding her fellow species in general. Yako walked over to Godai after he had finished off a couple of cigarettes, standing in front of him for a moment before speaking up.

**"Eh…. Godai san…. Do you mind if I ask you a question?"** she asked, grabbing one hand in the other, arms behind her back as she innocently requested she could ask Godai a question. Godai looked up from the magazine he had been reading, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and letting out a stream of smoke into the air before rolling his eyes, seemingly in a mellow kind of mood.

**"Fine, ask your question. I'm not answering it if I don't like it though."** He said, trying to sound snappish as usual but the statement lacked the certain… bite that most of his responses did.

**"Godai san,… why do you smoke?"** Yako asked, getting straight to the point.

**"What the hell kind of question is that?"** Godai snapped off, annoyed with how 'stupid' the question was. Obviously it was an obvious answer and Yako was missing the point. **"Why the hell wouldn't I smoke?"** Godai added, looking back down at his magazine, trying to signal he was done with questioning.

**"Well…. Isn't it… bad for you?"** Yako questioned now. She had heard from all over the place that cigarettes caused all kinds of bad diseases, and that they were addicting and once you started you could never go without them and they became a crutch… and soon Yako's head was swimming with these thoughts, and she dazed out for a moment thinking over every thing parents had told her about drugs and alcohol and joining in biker gangs…. But she was snapped out of all this when the wooden beaver was slammed down on the desk in front of her, from Godai, who looked mad at this point.

**"Bad for you?! That's a big fat fucking lie!"** Godai said, in a raised voice. Now he seemed more than willing to answer the questions. **"All the stupid morons out there try to control you by saying that smoking is only going to kill you off earlier and that it causes kids to be bad…. Well they just say that because anyone who smokes knows that the rules are just things set up by all those bastards in the government who try to control everyone and don't give a fuck about the 'trash' living on the streets!".** Godai was in ful rant mode by now, going on about how all those things Yako had been taught were one big conspiracy to keep everyone in order and in line.

**"It's not like I am going to live until I am a old man anyway, I am going to die off well before then. So you know what? Fuck health warnings and that shit. I don't need some guy in a suit and tie telling me what to breathe in or not. It calms me down and feels damn good."** Godai said, glaring at the wall now like 'the man' himself was standing there and trying to bring him down.

**"What's with the sudden question about cigarettes anyhow? You wanna try one or something?"** Godai asked, one hand moving to his desk to get hold of the pack… but it wasn't there anymore.

Somehow, somewhere, in Godai's rant about humanity and the government, Neuro had gotten hold of the cigarettes and was back over at his own desk. When Godai looked over at Neuro he had his 'blank smile' face on…. And Godai's entire pack of cigarettes all in his mouth at once, the ends of them all burning.

**"DON'T SMOKE ALL MY CIGARETTES YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"** Godai yelled out, horribly enraged that Neuro was currently sitting there and smoking his entire pack of cigarettes.

Neuro took all of the cigarettes out of his mouth at this point, depositing them (still burning) into one of his hands, closing his hand over them and crumbling them up, before walking over to Yako and letting go of the ashes over her head.

**"Congratulations worm, you have been promoted to ash tray."**

Neuro patted Yako on the head now (to smother in the ashes a bit more as she tried to struggle away to get the ashes out of her hair). After he was positive he had thoroughly abused Yako via crumbled up cigarettes, he mentally put his comment in.

Neuro did not understand why humans depended so much on cigarettes. It was laughable. He had breathed in air a thousand times more toxic and with much more smoke in it in the underworld than those pathetic little sticks of tobacco. To think it was one of the best selling products on the human world… not even a mouthful could compare to how strong the air was back in his home. However, he did not need to understand humans or how they thought. That was Yako's job. He would just eat his mysteries, and let her evolve from what she learned.

Once Yako finally returned, hair now ash free, he decided to assist her along in her evolution. After all, he was such a nice and thoughtful person.

**"Slave number two, in order for slave number one to fully understand how your thought pattern goes, I think there is only one solution." **Neuro said, with a grin on his face. **"Give her one."**

By now, Godai had taken a spare pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket, about to light one for himself when he got to order to hand one over to Yako. He paused, looking down at the pack, debating on whether it was worth it or not to hand one over… and decided his life and not being abused was a bit more important than one cigarette to Yako. Yako looked shocked for a moment, looking from Godai to Neuro, before shaking her head.

**"N-no thank you! I don't smoke!"** she said, trying to get out of having to do it.

**"Well you don't have to…. If you would rather lick my shoes." **Neuro said, now with his blank smile on his face, sitting on the closest surface and one leg raised, his foot now in front of Yako's face.

**"No! I would rather not do that!"** Yako said, stepping back a bit and trying to distance herself from his shoe. Why was he always trying to get her to lick his shoes anyhow?!

**"Tch. Submission fetish."** Came a mumble from the general area of where Godai was standing. Within moments, Neuro was staring at Godai, incredibly scary look on his face… obviously trying to scare the pants off of him.

**"What was that, Slave number two?"**

Godai stared back at Neuro for a couple of moments, looking shocked and a tiny bit afraid, now sweating while he tried to think up of something to say.

**"Er……. My shirt is…. Reddish…. Today…"** he finally got out, looking down at his shirt before looking back at Neuro.

**"Well if you don't like your shirt being a reddish color, you might as well dispose of it…"** Neuro responded, and within moments Godai's shirt was on fire. Godai let out a loud yell when he noticed his shirt had caught fire, dropping his pack of cigarettes before running across the room to try to get to the pitcher of water conveniently located there, to put out the flames. Neuro picked up the pack of cigarettes that Godai had dropped on the ground, pulling out one and holding it out to Yako.

**"Go on, worm. Evolve. Try to understand the mind of the human smoker."** Neuro said, with a smirk on his face. Yako looked at the cigarettes, gulping, debating in her head if she should take it or not. She knew that she had been told that smoking was not good for your health…. And that lots of people said the first time they tried it, it hurt. She knew that it was wrong to allow yourself to be pressured into smoking… and that you would only get pain from 'peer pressure' and that she didn't want to start a habit that might continue with her throughout her life. While Godai was not planning on living until he was 64, she wanted to die old and in a house filled with food.

Yako had been about to tell Neuro that she did not want to try smoking, and opened her mouth to tell him 'No' …. But the moment she parted her lips to express her thoughts on the matter, something quite different happened. Instead of feeling words sliding past her lips, she felt something being pressed against her lips.

It was not until one delayed confused moment until she noticed the thing pressed against her lips… was Neuro's lips.

Neuro pulled back after a few moments, giant grin-smirk plastered on his face, watching as Yako's face started to heat up and she began to blush a deep red color…. Mission accomplished. No, not in the fact that she was now shocked and confused, that was a little side reward. The real accomplishment was that now, Yako had the cigarette in her mouth. Sure… he didn't need to do it quite like that, he could have just forced her mouth open and put it in… but this way was a lot more entertaining.

After she seemed to have gotten the full idea of what just happened, Neuro lifted his hand with the lighter in it, and lit the end of the cigarette that was still hanging out of her mouth.

Yako stood there for a couple of moments…. Before taking the cigarette out of her mouth with one hand, going into a coughing fit and eyes watering from the pain in her chest.

From that day on, a couple lessons were learned and a few happy memories made.

Godai learned not to question Neuro's love for others showing submission to him, and that wooden beavers are not the most effective tool to use when putting out shirt fires.

Yako learned that cigarettes smoke is not so easy to breath in, and that you should just accept what Neuro tells you to do the first time he demands it or else you leave him with opportunity to harass you.

And Neuro… well he got a new favorite game called _'Sexual Harassment'._

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Well, that's my fic! PLEASE reveiw and comment on it, thumbs up or thumbs down! And also, look forward to part two!!


	2. Cool

SECOND PART OF THE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY

This time, we got Ishigaki and Sasazuka!! D

Er... I don't really know what to say. Perty adorable, they are. :3

second part out of three. hoorah.

Disclaimer: Not my veiws on smoking, I do not own the characters, blah blah. Sorry if I gots typos in this one. I had little or no time to check the spelling.

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_BANG!_

A very loud crash could be heard now, echoing down the halls of the relatively empty hospital, followed by a loud sound of despair. This by now, was extremely normal in the hospital, if not expected every single day around this time.

One of the new nurses on shift had heard the cry and the crash, instantly standing up and ready to run down the hall with the other nurses to see what had happened to the patient…. When she noticed no one at all was standing up. In fact, two of the nurses were giggling and talking quietly while the rest didn't even pay attention to what had happened. Finally, after a few moments of shock from the poor confused young girl, one of the older nurses spoke up.

**"Relax, Yumi."** One of the nurses said, pushing up her thick rimmed glasses as she turned a page of her magazine. **"That sound is from Sasazuka Eishi's room. No need to worry, it happens every day." **She said in a monotone voice, letting out a sigh. **"Normally we would stop letting him get visitors with all the noise that comes from that room, but he makes more trouble when he doesn't get visitors. All he does is sit there. And doesn't move. Creeps out a lot of the doctors."** She went on, pointing behind her now at the wall with multiple squares on it, all unlit at the moment. **"We only go up when the distress call comes in. Otherwise, it just isn't worth wasting the energy."**

The new nurse, Yumi, looked down the hall for a moment… still slightly confused by the ordeal, but slowly sat down in the chair she had been in before, nodding.

She could not help but wonder what had happened though…..

--

**"No! Not my limited edition 2,000 piece Super-robo-monkey action figure model set!!"**

**"Well you should have thought about that before taking my cigarettes."**

Ishigaki currently had the remains of what was before an almost completely assembled miniature model of 'Super-robo-monkey' cradled in his arms, mentally whining as he remembered how much work he had put into it during the past two months and all the time he had spent sitting around, gluing piece after piece together and trying to make sense of the instructions that came with it. Sasazuka on the other hand stayed seated in his bed, holding onto a pack of cigarettes and taking one out, also getting the lighter he had hidden in the mattress out so he could light it and smoke.

**"I only tried to take them because you are not supposed to be smoking, senpai!"** Ishigaki said, jutting out his bottom lip and pouting as he put what remained of his figurine on the counter, sitting down in the chair next to Sasazuka's bed and going back to what he had been doing before, peeling an apple for his senpai.

Sasazuka just shrugged in response to that, not really caring about hospital regulation. Smoking wasn't going to kill him… well it could and already had opened up that lung wound Sai had caused him to have but he figured that every man needed to hack up blood once in a while. To toughen you up or something along those lines.

**"Don't you care about getting better or not, senpai!? If you smoke a lot you are not going to heal and will need to stay in the hospital for even longer!"** Ishigaki said now, still looking quite put out while he started to cut the now skinned apple into slices, putting each slice onto a small plate on a counter next to the hospital bed.

**"I'm going to heal, whether I have a couple cigarettes or not."** Sasazuka said, taking out one cigarette and holding it in his mouth, while he tried to start his lighter.

**"Do you really need them that badly though?"** Ishigaki asked, watching as Sasazuka lit the cigarette. Sasazuka took in one deep breath through the cigarette, then slowly blew the smoke out and into the air once more. Ishigaki could not help but to think how… cool it was.

Ishigaki had seen a lot of television and all kinds of media, and anyone he saw or knew that smoked was really cool looking or just awesome in general, such as Sasazuka. Lots of celebrities smoked… those kids who used to pick on him in high school smoked but they were still really cool and had a ton of friends… and he could not help but feel that the fact that he hadn't tried smoking yet made him a wimp or something, because all the cool people were tough enough to handle it.

Suddenly, Ishigaki had a brilliant idea. He knew the perfect way to be really super-cool. He could see himself now… driving a motorcycle with a leather jacket and his hair slicked back and sunglasses on, being totally bad-ass and going out drinking and being cool. Mental images of popularity aside, Ishigaki went on with his plan.

**"Ah… senpai!"** Ishigaki said, suddenly looking very determined and putting the apple he had been slicing down on the counter, turning fully towards Sasazuka.** "Can…. Can I try one!? Please!?"** he asked, trying to sound stubborn and like he was not going to let up until he got to smoke with Sasazuka. Sasazuka took one look at him, waiting a few moments for the 'I don't care' look to settle in, before letting out another smoky breath.

**"No."**

Ishigaki frowned for a moment, obviously distraught and looking shocked that Sasazuka could just tell him off so easily and so quickly, before looking even more determined than before and trying again.

**"Please, senpai! I would really like to try one!"** he said, trying to sound half as stern as Sasazuka was. Sasazuka let out a sigh, putting his lighter down on the side table to the hospital bed, before taking the cigarette out of his mouth and staring at Ishigaki.

**"Give me one good reason why you suddenly want to start smoking."** He said, pausing for a moment before adding in **"And if you say anything about smoking being cool and that you can somehow gain popularity by smoking, you will have five seconds to leave before I decide to chuck what's left of your robot monkey out the window."**

Ishigaki let out a distraught and shocked choking sound, looking desperately over to the remains of his beloved figurine, before looking back to Sasazuka. He needed a very convincing argument or lie.

**"Comon senpai! Don't treat me like some kid! I am an adult, and if you don't let me try it right now I am just going to go out and buy some myself so I thought it would be more convenient if I just gave it a try here and now!"** he said, crossing his arms and making a 'hmph' sound. Sasazuka just rolled his eyes, before looking down at his pack of cigarettes.

**"Fine. You can try one."** He said, giving in. He figured that if Ishigaki was going to be so stubborn about it, he might as well let him learn from experience that the first couple of times, cigarettes were anything but pleasant. Sasazuka reached into his pack, taking out one cigarette before he put the packet back down, still holding onto his own.

**"Now… it's your first time so before you try lighting –"** Sasazuka's instruction was interrupted by a coughing fit, coming from Ishigaki. The moment Sasazuka had handed him a cigarette, Ishigaki of course had went right for the lighter and taken in a very deep breath full of pure cigarette smoke.

Sasazuka let out a frustrated sigh, waiting until Ishigaki's coughing fit died down until he reached over and plucked the cigarette out of Ishigaki's hand, holding it away from him now. Ishigaki looked a bit shocked and distraught for a moment, looking at Sasazuka through slightly teary eyes as he coughed a couple more times.

**"Do your ears actually function like normal people's do, or are they just some kind of canal for information and just have everything people try to tell you go through one and out the other?"** Sasazuka snapped, about to try to snuff out Ishigaki's cigarette. **"Obviously you are not ready for this kind of –"**

**"No senpai wait! I'm sorry! Please – "** Ishigaki stopped here to cough a few more times, struggling to retain use of his lungs **"Please give me another chance!"**

Sasazuka looked from Ishigaki, back to the cigarette, and let out a sigh before he held it back out to him.

**"All right, but listen before you try to do anything."** He said sternly, not letting Ishigaki take hold of it until he got a nod of understanding.

**"Now, this is your first time so you don't take in a big lungful. That's asking for pain."** He said, glaring at him for a moment before continuing. **"Your not going to inhale any smoke at all. Just get a mouthful of smoke then breath out."** He said, leaning back and watching as Ishigaki nodded and raised the cigarette to his lips. A few moments passed….. and then Ishigaki went into a coughing fit once more.

**"…. You breathed in, didn't you."** Sasazuka said, wondering how much he had to break down how to do it for Ishigaki. Ishigaki nodded, looking upset. Sasazuka let out a sigh and tried again.

**"You don't breath in. Close off your windpipe, get a mouthful of smoke, breathe out."** He said, watching and waiting for Ishigaki to give it a second try. Ishigaki just stared at the cigarette for a moment, looking shocked.

**"But that is impossible, senpai!"** he said, looking in awe at the cigarette like it was some kind of magic trick. Still, he decided to attempt it another time. He brought the cigarette up to his lips, and another few moments passed. Sasazuka figured he might have accomplished it… before Ishigaki went into another horrible coughing fit.

**"You're not going to get it."** Sasazuka said, taking the cigarette away from him and snuffing it out in the ash tray next to the hospital bed, while Ishigaki looked defeated and upset with his failure through spasms of coughs.

Ishigaki had been planning on asking Sasazuka to somehow teach him the secret to him, and to help him along with how to do it but the moment he looked up he found that a slice of apple was being held in front of his face. Ishigaki was confused for a moment, before he realized that Sasazuka was holding it out in front of his face. He sat up straight, slowly taking the slice of apple, then looking to Sasazuka questioningly.

**"Stick with those."** Sasazuka said, pointing to the slice of apple. **"They suit you better. And I don't have to try teaching you how to use one of those."** he added in. Ishigaki did not know whether the last statement was a sarcastic slide in or he was actually serious about that being a reason he should stick with apples. Ishigaki was not thinking too much into it though... he was far to over joyed that Sasazuka said something so cool to him.

**"Really!?"** Ishigaki said, tooking at the slice of apple in his hand with a large grin.

**"You're still an idiot though."**

**"That phrase compleatly ruined the sentimental moment!"** Ishigaki said in a loud voice, looking distraught once more.

**"You've had enough affection for one day."** Sasazuka replied, snuffing out his own cigarette and leaving it on the counter. **"I don't think your small mental capacity could handle any more of it."** he added in.

**"Oh yeah? Well I have not shown _you_ enough affection!"** Ishigaki said, standing up now, hands on his hips.

**"... No-"** Sasazuka had been about to tell Ishigaki off and that if he dared attempt anything he would break any toy that he saw Ishigaki holding for the next month... but he was silenced when Ishigaki lept forward, leaning over the bed and wrapping his arms around Sasazuka, pressing his lips to his cheek before detaching with a grin and running to the door in an attempt to flee out of the room. However, when he tried to round the corner he slipped on a slice of apple that had fallen onto the floor... and knocked his head against the doorframe. He fell to the ground within a moment, passed out from the hard hit to the head.

Sasazuka let out a groan, before pressing a button next to the bed and waiting for a voice to respond.

**"Sasazuka san?"**

Affirmative grumble like noise.

**"Ishigaki san tripped on something again?"**

Another affirmative noise, following by a coughing fit.

**"And You opened up your lung wound again... didn't you."**

One more affirmative noise, and then hacking up blood.

**"Well send sombody up."**

The nurse at the nurse station let out a sigh, before looking to the nurses.

**"Let's go girls."** she said, as nurses started to get up and make their way down the hall.

**"And Yumi?".** The new nurse turned around, looking at the nurse still sitting at the nurse station.

**"I will leave _you_ in charge of trying to take Sasazuka san's cigarettes. Have fun with that."**

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DONE. FINALLY. DEAR JESUS THAT TOOK LONG.

PLEASE reveiw, comment, whatnot.

Next up, Sai centric. Hoo-rah.

Sorry once more if there is bad spelling, I cry just thinking about how many typos there may be. I will do a flip and bow humbly at your feet if you find it offensive that I have typos in there. I AM A WOOOOOOOOOOOOORM.


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